Navigating the Sober Curious Journey: My Story

How did I get here?

Like many, I started drinking in high school, and absolutely loved it. The freedom from self-consciousness and anxiety was absolutely liberating. College drinking was like a sport: how much can I drink, how long can I go? And the piecing together of blackout nights was so much fun. Binge drinking was a badge of honor, and a great way to bond with friends.

As I settled into “real adult life,” I only drank a lot when it was a special occasion. Like a Friday night happy hour, a bar crawl, or a wedding. Or a really hard day, or a really good day. Have you ever noticed that drinks are the answer to most big feelings? Excited to get a promotion? Celebrate with a drink! Sad that your grandmother passed away? Have a drink in her honor.

Parenting opens up a whole new culture of drinking, and I was in it for every step. Baby crying? Grab a sippy cup of your own and fill it with wine. Toddler misbehaving? Crack open a beer to take the edge off. Kids finally in bed? Pour that glass of wine for some self-care. There is a plethora of merchandise and endless memes centered around parenting and drinking. Do you ever step back and realize how crazy that is? 

Sober curiosity begins…

I started my sober curious journey like many others. Dry January! Around my 4th Dry January, I started to realize that drinking was not as good for me as I thought. It numbed the difficult times in parenting, and in life, but only temporarily. I realized how much I was thinking about alcohol, looking at it as a way to relax, have fun, and de-stress. But it was also causing me stress, because I knew it wasn't good for my health.

Taking a break from drinking made me realize how much I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism for the tough times of parenting, and life in general. This is totally normalized in our society. Drinking is so ingrained in every part of our society that you stand out if you don’t drink. Alcohol plays such a big role in so many areas of our lives: celebrations, holidays, weddings, football. The list goes on! Once you open your eyes to it, you notice it is everywhere: our music, tv shows, movies, sports games.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that alcohol is necessary for fun, socialization, and stress relief. It's really difficult to unlearn these "truths," but once you do it's truly life-changing. I felt like I had been tricked by the big lie of alcohol. 

After years of sober curiosity, I slowly lost the desire to drink. Don’t get me wrong: I still had thoughts about drinking. In the early days, it was pretty much all I thought about. It was REALLY hard to stop drinking. There is social pressure and habits are really difficult to break. But once you've "seen behind the curtain," it's much easier to fight the urge to drink.

There are still days I look at an ice cold beer and can almost taste the relaxation that comes with that first sip. But then I remember that that feeling goes away, and after the first beer I just want another. And then the next day I never feel better. And my problems are still there.

*Disclaimer: Sobriety was the answer for me at the end of my sober curious journey. I felt that alcohol had too much power over me, and was taking up too much of my headspace. I know plenty of people who can drink every so often, and it is not a focal point of their lives. Only you know what’s best for you.