How My Sober Journey Led Me to Tackle My Sugar Addiction

The Wake-Up Call: Recognizing Alcohol as a Crutch

It took me a long time to realize that alcohol wasn’t doing me any favors. I had a lot of stupid moments in my younger years that were directly caused by alcohol; but I also didn’t know anyone who hadn’t. It wasn’t until having kids that I started to recognize (okay, finally admit to)  how I was using alcohol as a crutch to get through my stress and anxiety. 

The Truth About Sobriety, and Why I’m Still Choosing it 

I’ve dropped this truth bomb many times, but I can’t help it. It was so unexpected. Quitting alcohol does not automatically fix your life (see this blog post for more). I had an expectation that many of the problems I had attributed to alcohol would be solved by sobriety. But I am 3 years in and while my anxiety has plummeted, my skin has never been worse, my fatigue is off the charts, and I feel a bit like crap.

You might wonder if I’ve ever questioned my sobriety. After all, if I was expecting all of these changes and many of them didn’t happen, wouldn’t it be reasonable to assume that alcohol was in fact, not a problem? Possibly. 

I won’t lie and say I’ve never questioned it. BUT. Now that I’m so far removed from drinking, I can see plain as day that alcohol is terrible for me. That, combined with the fact that alcohol isn’t good for your health...well it’s a no brainer. While alcohol may not have caused my problems, it certainly wasn’t going to solve any. 

The Next Realization: My Sugar Addiction

It’s a bit embarrassing to admit that it took 3 years of sobriety to come to terms with the very real fact that my relationship with food could use a bit of an overhaul. I approached this relationship much like I did with alcohol. I’ve spent many years thinking about how I should really eat better. And then I’d do a trial like calorie counting. And I would either lose 10-15lbs only to gain it back 6 months later when my habits slid back into place, or, even crazier, I wouldn’t lose any weight whatsoever. It’s surprisingly controversial to say that you can’t lose weight simply by tracking calories. But apparently the human body isn’t a machine (*gasp!*).

Motherhood, Exhaustion, and Processed Food: A Perfect Storm

I have become absolutely exhausted through parenthood, and this exhaustion made me conserve my efforts as much as possible. While I will gladly make some eggs and a smoothie for my kids, it takes a lot of convincing to do so just for myself. This has led to a lot of quick meals, none of which are particularly healthy. Of course I make an effort with family dinners, but the pickiness of kids really makes the effort feel wasted. To each their own with regard to feeding children, but I have always preferred mine to eat something, even if it’s not the dinner I prepared. My kids are also vegetarians now. The kind that don’t eat beans. But I digress…

My biggest challenge is sugar. I crave it. I need it. I could eat pounds of candy - gummy candy filled with all of the terrible dyes is my favorite. I made a blog post a few months ago about Halloween Candy that addresses this (and joked that I should start a sugar detox journey - and here I am!!). 

I treat eating candy the way I did trying to moderate alcohol. I try not to buy it, then I try not to open it, then I promise myself just one, and then, boom, the bag is gone.

It’s not just candy. When I’m feeling uneasy, I reach for processed food. To me, there’s nothing more comforting than bread, chips, cookies, you name it. It brings me relief, and even joy, in the moment. And then the guilt begins. I can’t believe I just ate that whole row of cookies. I might as well just finish the carton so the temptation is gone. 

Taking the First Step to Break Free From Sugar

The lies we tell ourselves are hilariously illogical. If I wanted the temptation gone, why would I not just throw out the cookies? Or, grow some willpower and just not eat them. Either way, I know that these foods are not solving my problems. And I am sick of the way I am treating my body. Old age is drawing near, and I am realizing more and more how important my health is. So this is it, I’m going for it.

I am still in the very early stages of figuring out what I’m doing here. Right now, I’m cutting out candy and highly processed foods. Anything that’s white bread, cereal, chips, etc. I’m not doing a complete zero-sugar diet. I am trying to make changes that I can sustain. 

Reality Check: Day One and Beyond

Day one consisted of overnight oats - made with cinnamon, chia seeds, and almond milk,  apples, carrots, quinoa with roasted vegetables, bowls of frozen blueberries, and an entire can of chickpeas. When I had cravings I made a version of my oat balls - a quick bowl of oats and almond butter. It wasn't perfect. But it was my best.

I got through a day without being tempted by the bag of tortilla chips in the pantry. Even when I got that deep craving within my stomach that comes when I’ve eaten a healthy meal and NEED a sweet. I got through it it. And I felt really happy for myself. But I’m scared, and oh so hungry. I’m at lunchtime on day two, carefully planning what to make to fill me up sufficiently.

No matter how much I fill up my body with healthy food, that literal rumble in my stomach is still there, angrily grumbling for something sweet and processed. I realize how much of an addiction this is, just like alcohol. And I laugh to myself about how ridiculous it all is. Much like alcohol, sugar and processed foods are highly marketed and highly normalized. The question I continue to ask myself is, how did we get here?

Let's Do This Together

As I embark on this journey, I am reminded of how I felt at the beginning of my sober curious journey. There is so much information, and misinformation out there. It is so challenging to quit something so ubiquitous, and even more challenging to go against the norms. It feels like everything is working against you. While I’ve just started on my healthy eating journey, I am well experienced in the sober curious journey. If you need an understanding guide along the way - get in touch. I get it. 

Best of luck to all,

Jess